In today's episode, Captain Obvious is once again forced to point out some things which SHOULD be self evident, but which apparently ... well, you'll see.
1. A Parking Lot Is A Public Place.
As such -- if you are drunk IN A PARKING LOT, and the cops come and talk to you and have an issue with the fact that you are drunk in public, gesturing wildly with your hands at the cars and people around you and yelling "HOW IS THIS PUBLIC?" doesn't really qualify as a defence. In addition, the other people in the area -- because, you know, it's a PARKING LOT -- will look at you in a sneaky fashion and think to themselves "Thank goodness the cop caught THAT guy before he got on the road." Captain Obvious would like to high five the crafty police officer who recognized that a parking lot is a public place, and would like to give random drunk guy a banner that says "NOT WINNING".
2. A Balcony is Not Sound Proof
The people who have moved into the apartment directly above Captain Obvious LOVE their balcony. Oh man, do they love it. They're out there quite a lot. Especially the gentleman half of the besotted couple. He goes out onto the balcony and smokes and makes phone calls. To the lawyer and associates who bailed him out when he was having legal trouble at his work. To the various women he's seeing on the side. He also takes buddies who come over out onto the balcony for private conversations. Most of these conversations -- with the extra girlfriends, with the legal team, with the bros that come before hos -- they all include the phrase: "This is just between us."
Or, you know, not.
Because it's a BALCONY.
Which means that YOU ARE OUTSIDE.
Which means that it's between that guy, and his buddies, and ... the Captain. Who has tried NOT to hear every detail of the legally inept Lothario's life, including but not limited to: avoiding her own balcony, turning on the a/c when she doesn't need to, closing the windows, turning the radio on, and vacuuming. Unfortunately, she still has the dubious honour of a front row seat to Mr Train Wreck's life.
People -- listen to the Captain! Outside spaces are NOT for "private" conversations!
3. Watching a Child = Having an Idea as to What The Child Is Up To
The Captain was at an eatery over the weekend. It was packed. A young mother asked one of her companions to watch two young boys while she waited in line. The companion agreed to do so. The mother got in line and the companion proceeded to re-engage with the other adults in the group while the boys -- who were about four years old -- ran out the back door of the eatery and into the back parking lot, unseen by the invidual who had agreed -- just moments before -- to watch them.
This did not end in tragedy.
But it easily could have.
When the boys were rounded up and brought back inside, the mother said "You said you would watch them!" The would be kid sitter said "I WAS."
No, sir, you were not. Because if you HAD been, you would have seen them LEAVE THE BUILDING. Watching a child means "having an awareness of where the child is" or even occasionally LOOKING at the child. That's what watching IS. Observing.
Just ask Captain Obvious... she is ALWAYS watching.
(... be on the lookout for future Obvious Alerts!)
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