What Am I Even DOING?

... Y'all, I don't KNOW!

In case you were wondering what's going on in the Hizzouse (did I just type that? I TOTALLY DID), here it is.

1)  This  place reopened, which is causing rejoicing throughout the land. (That's not really an exaggeration, I don't think. You should go there.)

2) I had to break up with an old friend. Sometimes, the universe will throw you together with people you really love? But can't help bashing up against in a highly destructive way and at some point, you have to realize: nothing healthy is happening here. We're bringing out the worst in each other. So you have to make a choice, right? It sucks though. I will miss you, my friend.

3) I decided to stop apologizing for things. Don't like the way I look? Too bad. Don't like what I have to say? Don't listen. Don't like my friends? Don't hang out with us. Don't like my cat? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU SHE'S AWESOME. I've been apologizing for myself for 36 years and that seems like quite enough. Everyone's going to have to deal.

4) My friends had a baby. As Infertile Myrtle over here, babies make me a little nervous. But OH I love this baby. I love her tiny little fingers and her perfect little mouth and her toes and her fuzzy baby hair and her precious little face. I love her mom and dad and the life they will help her to make and the things that her future holds and all of the people who love her just as much as I love her. So, yeah. That happened.

5) Remember when I threw out my scale? This is the longest I've ever gone without a scale. It's ...

Well.

I really want to buy a new scale.

I'm not going to, though.

You know what else I'm not doing anymore? (And I'm TERRIFIED, more than when I tossed the scale...)

Dieting.

Now, you may have beheld the size of my ass and thought "Sister, that is a MISTAKE" and I will have to refer you to Item #3 on this list, but I will also say this:

I'm 36. I have been on a diet for ... ALL OF THAT TIME. Different kinds, mind you -- the delivered food kind and the points kind and the no fat kind and the no carbs kind and the starvation kind and the liquid kind and all of the other kinds in between and here's what I've noticed -- they're all about punishing myself. I've never been on a diet that is loving. All of the diets I've ever seen/been on/invented (because oh boy, I can be creative) are about announcing that I'm an idiot who isn't good enough and who, as such, must treat myself badly and acknowledge that I'm deficient.

I realized the extent of this problem when I looked around my cupboards the other day and everything was in cans or frozen for my convenience, but nothing looked like real food.

No more, kids. Scale or no scale, big ass or no big ass (and let's face it: I'm ALWAYS gonna have the big ass, it is what it is), I'm done. DONE DONE DONE.

And I'm scared because it occurs to me that I don't know how to eat without some kind of ... rules.

But oh well. Here goes nothing.

That's what's going on in this neck of the woods -- what are you guys up to?