Friday Randoms

I

“I like to do  a little goal setting every morning.”

“And today’s goal is?”

“I’m going to try to keep from further maiming myself.”

“…”

“Aiming too high?”

“I’m just thinking you might want to set OBTAINABLE goals.”

II

“I need a glass of wine. Or two. Probably two.”

“I have the feeling that between the two of us, we’ll keep many a vintner in business.”

“Hey. As long as we buy from American vineyards, we’re really just supporting the economy. And that’s PATRIOTISM, my friend.”

III

This is, of course, hypothetical, but … Things not to do in your lunch hour yoga class: when the instructor says, “You are a branch, on a tree” do not … I mean, really, really don’t, mutter “I am a leaf on the wind” in response. Because the person next to you? Might get the reference. And might laugh. And then you might laugh. And then you might get banned from yoga because you are not just a troublemaker, you are a DORKY troublemaker. Hypothetically.

IV

“When I want something, I TOTALLY go after it.”

“No you don’t.”

“I know. When I want something, I pine after it silently and pathetically.”

“It might not be … you know, the most effective method? But it’s funny to watch.”

V

“You know, you’re SO RIGHT.”

“I know.”

“What?”

“I KNOW. I can’t believe more people don’t recognize that more often, to be honest.”

“And you’re also so, so modest. I really had no idea.”

“I keep my light under a bushel. It’s true.”