Friday Randoms

I

"That would be HILARIOUS. And by 'hilarious' I mean potentially causing death or injury and also highly illegal."

"Your definitions. They amuse me."

II

"So then I found out that when you have a tonsillectomy? They BURN THEM OUT. Did you know that?"

"Nope."

"Do you think they use lasers?"

"No, it's probably much more primitive. Like, they knock you out and then a band of villagers bearing torches shows up."


III

"Dude, when he comes out of there he's gonna be CRANKY."

"Yeah."

"He needs carbs. Let's just throw cookies at him until he calms down."

IV

"I've come to realize that my issues with lipstick are really about the fact that I have stupid lips."

"What?"

"I mean, being a pretty shade of red? Only accentuates their stupidness."

V

"He needs to calm down. He needs, like a hot bath and a good book and a cup of tea."

"..."

"Oh wait, no. That's me. I need that."

Friday Randoms

I

"The word 'engaged' has GAG in the middle of it."

"..."

"What? It's TRUE!"

II

"Why haven't I heard from her yet?"

"Well. She might still be at the doctor. OR... She might be eating a delicious hamburger!"

"..."

"I'm just saying. She has options."

III

"Awww, Townhouse is so funny. Serving size, three crackers. HAHAHAHAHA."

"That's like Ben and Jerry saying there are four servings in a pint. No, there is ONE. Come on boys, get serious. Plus, would I even be spooning this into my face if I was concerned about serving sizes?"

IV

"Ugh. Facebook post: Life isnt about how many breathes you take but about the moments that take your breathe away."

"..."

"Apparently, life is NOT about punctuation. Or spelling."

V

"I would like that guy? Except that he's a terrible person who triggers a reflex in me that makes me want to punch him directly in the junk."

"But except for that?"

"Except for that I would totally enjoy him."