One Step Away from a Security Guard and a Chanting Crowd

I love social media. I LOVE SOCIAL MEDIA. Even though I can’t seem to get the hang of Twitter (HOW DOES IT WORK ARGH I AM OVERWHELMED!),  I love Facebook and I love the blogging and I love the Lolcats and I generally consider the interwebs some of my favorite places to roam.

There is one thing, though, that I find myself concerned about, and that is this:

People airing their dirty laundry.

Now listen, I’ve got some stinky stinky socks on my bedroom floor too – we all do – and at times, I do like to bring them out and investigate their smellosity, so perhaps even bringing this up is hypocritical. However, I think that – mostly – when I do air the stench, I do so in a way that is (mostly) anonymous. As in, if I have a big old fight with my brother*, my next post wouldn’t be all “MY BROTHER IS AN ASS” because that would not be appropriate. If my brother is acting like a complete ass, I need to have that conversation WITH HIM and not about him.

And also, I should probably not have that conversation on my Facebook wall.

Because this is how that usually plays out:

Me: MY BROTHER IS AN ASS.

My Brother: Yeah? Well, you’re not exactly the Queen of the May either, princess.

Me: I’m … WHAT? WHO SAYS THAT? NOW you’re WEIRD and an ASS.

My Brother: It’s a saying. PEOPLE SAY IT.

Our Cousin: Glad I can see the family love here, people.

My Brother: Don’t disrespect my sister, you jerk.

Our Cousin: What? She started it. And we all think she's a bitch.

Me: YOU CAN BOTH GO TO HELL.

(And by “Me” I mean: NOT ME AT ALL. Because I don’t do this on Facebook**. But we all know people who do, right? We’ve all seen it. And we’re all like, woooo, trainwreck! It’s like the social media equivalent of waiting for a fight to break out on Jerry Springer!***)

The other thing I shouldn’t do is post the pointed, passive aggressive Facebook status. Like this:

“It’s too bad that SOME people” (LIKE MY BROTHER) “can’t appreciate what others go through and make comments when it would be a lot nicer if they just SHUT UP. But since their lives are so wonderful and perfect and Mom likes them BEST, they need to mouth off their opinions that no one wants to hear, ever, and cause DRAMA.”

Speaking of drama.

Everyone seems to hate the drama on the social media. However, the people who seem to state their hatred of it the most are the people who seem to have an abundance of it. 

Sample post: “SO TIRED OF THE DRAMA”

But then, of course, their friends are going to ask about the drama, which perpetuates the drama, and causes dramatic “My brother is an asshat” pronouncements that then drag him in and make the drama more … um… dramatic.

I know that life can’t be all cute hedgehog photos and funny cat videos, but I do think that maybe we could all exercise a little more self control and restraint and use our internetty powers for good (“Martha! Come see what this cat is doing!”) rather than evil (“I am calling my brother a douche RIGHT ON FACEBOOK. That douche.”).

Except, of course, for when it comes to my brother.

That guy’s kind of a tool.

* I don’t have a brother. This is merely an example. You know, in case you were like “WHOA, WHEN DID SHE GET A BROTHER?"

**and I don’t have a brother. We covered this, remember?

*** Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!