Oh, wait. No I'm not.
He didn't know because I was pretty sure that he loved someone else and I loved him enough even then to want him to be happy.
And now? All these years later? We're happy together.
It's a fucking miracle, y'all.
*****
Not everyone enjoys a miracle, by the way.
I didn't know that before but now I do.
*****
I went through a lot to get to this place. I didn't believe that this kind of happiness was possible. I had to learn to trust.
I also had to learn to let go. Of the idea that I could control every moment of my life (which, by the way, was never super successful). Of the notion that my way was the only way and the best way. I had to relinquish my belief that I couldn't be independent and be in a relationship.
It turns out that you can't go forward -- or really anywhere -- if you have cemented yourself into place with a sticky glue of beliefs that you are using as excuses.
I had to stop holding on to what was holding me back.
*****
If you had handed me a map five years ago that had Happiness as a destination, the "You are Here" marker would not have been far from Happy. It would have been close. I was almost there. I just didn't know how to make the rest of the trip.
It's there now. Which is not to say that life is perfect. It never is. It never will be. But it works out if you work at it. If you're willing to be your less than perfect self with someone else's less than perfect self, and if you're willing to embrace all of the parts of meshed together living, then it turns out that it wasn't such a difficult journey to complete.
*****
All of that?
Makes me happy.
It turns out that you can't go forward -- or really anywhere -- if you have cemented yourself into place with a sticky glue of beliefs that you are using as excuses.
I had to stop holding on to what was holding me back.
*****
If you had handed me a map five years ago that had Happiness as a destination, the "You are Here" marker would not have been far from Happy. It would have been close. I was almost there. I just didn't know how to make the rest of the trip.
It's there now. Which is not to say that life is perfect. It never is. It never will be. But it works out if you work at it. If you're willing to be your less than perfect self with someone else's less than perfect self, and if you're willing to embrace all of the parts of meshed together living, then it turns out that it wasn't such a difficult journey to complete.
*****
All of that?
Makes me happy.
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