This is the Picture

I avoid having my picture taken.

I avoid looking in full length mirrors.

I don't own a scale.

Yesterday, someone was taking photos at work and I saw myself in one. To say that I was horrified is an understatement. Y'all. I look TERRIBLE. This is not the most I've ever weighed in my life? But it's the most I have weighed in a long time.

I'm not okay with it. I just ... no.

I'm so OVER this. Can I just say that? I'm tired of this being a thing in my life because it's BORING and it's not the entirety of who I am. Unfortunately, it's the thing I spend the most time thinking about. And ... dull. Dull as toast. Who wants to spend all day thinking about the size of her own ass?

Not me. BORED. OVER IT.

Sigh.

But here's the thing: Fat or not, I need to stop hiding. From cameras. From myself. I might not love the way I look? But I still deserve to be seen, dammit.

By other people.

And by myself.