I Don't Get It

There are a whole lot of things in this world that I just don't understand. Because everything is so ... I'm going to use the word "difficult" ... out there right now, here are some of them.

1. Sweet Potato Fries.

Y'all. WHY? Every time I see something on a menu that says "for an extra $1.50, substitute sweet potato fries for regular fries" my brain translates it into: you could totally spend more money for something that's not in any way, shape, or form as delicious as the traditional crispy fry of joy made from the food of your Irish people, the white potato. WHY WOULD YOU SPEND MORE FOR SOMETHING THAT'S NOT YUMMY?

And listen, don't tell me that it's because sweet potatoes are "better for you." Because they are FRIED FOOD, which is not a health food last I checked. No. Just say no. Pay the regular amount and get the GOOD fries, you guys. Do it for me.

2. Light (or "Lite") Beer

How about you get regular beer -- you know, beer that neither looks or tastes like urine -- and just don't drink as many? That way you'll have a beverage you are enjoying rather than one you are simply enduring. When it comes to light beer, follow the advice of the immortal Nancy Regan and just say NO.

3. People Who Don't Like Cheese

I know you're out there. I also know you might potentially be a serial killer based on the fact that you don't like what I can only call God's Food. In fact, this is how we weed the serial killers out, I think: We put a cheese plate in front of them and if they only pick up a cracker, and it's not because they are lactose intolerant, we immediately imprison them for crimes against humanity. BECAUSE CHEESE. Seriously.

4. Dirty Dishes in the Sink

You know what's gross? Cockroaches. There, I said it. You know what attracts those little plague carrying demons? Wet, dirty dishes left to moulder in the sink. I know there are folks who don't care about this, but it gives me the creepy crawlies just to think about it. Either wash the dishes or put them in the dishwasher, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't leave them in the sink, lest the mental image make me barf. Gross.

5. Why The Turn Signals In So Many Vehicles are Mysteriously "Broken"

There seems to be some sort of automotive epidemic this time of year, and it -- weirdly -- seems to strike a lot of people who have out of state plates. The turn signals on SO MANY cars just. Don't. Work. I mean, that has to be it, right? It's definitely not that people are CHOOSING not to use them and potentially causing accidents. How are all of these turn signals broken? How is this happening? And why is it so problematic for people from ... um ... a neighboring state famed for its poor driving skills? No one knows, my friends. No one knows.

There are many, many more things in this world that I don't understand, but these are the ones that are perplexing me right now. Will I bring you more later? Probably.

What is perplexing you (that is not political in nature because I think we all need a break)?