OCD Should Mean "Of COURSE, Danielle ..."

... because sometimes, it gets me into weird predicaments and makes me have conversations like this:

Me, all excited: I FINALLY bought new pots and pans! And they're RED!

Person who Shall Remain Nameless: Red? Didn't they come in black? Or stainless steel?

Me, puzzled: Well, yeah. But I got red!

Person who Shall Remain Nameless (and who also doesn't seem to know me very well at all, which is both unfortunate and disappointing): Why would you get red pots and pans?

Me, feeling very Spinal Tap-y: Because. (slowly) They. Came. In. Red.

Yeah, that's right, I bought red pots and pans. To match my red toaster. And my red coffee pot. In fact, when I go into my kitchen I regard the microwave with loathing, because it's white and I've come to realize -- it could have been red.

This all started innocently enough, with the purchase of new slotted spoons. They were red and pretty. Then I bought some red and stainless steel storage cannisters, and THEN there was the cool dishtowel that had a lot of red in it and red is so cheerful and now? I'm zooming gleefully down the OCD highway on my way to "Driving Myself Crazyville".

This is what I do.

You should see my Christmas tree. I think Martha Stewart herself would back away from it, slowly, while calling someone who could offer me professional help. Everything is colour coordinated and carefully chosen. Some people find this off putting and weird.

I think it's awesome.

I also think that, in theory, Christmas trees that are decorated with a hodgepodge of ornaments are cool. I just can't HAVE one like that, because it stresses me out. I know that makes no sense -- how could a tree be stressful? -- but that's how it is. Also? I can only have white lights on my tree, and they're not allowed to blink or twinkle because ...

...well, I don't know why. Just because.

And that's the thing, about the ocd. I couldn't tell you why the non-red microwave is out of place, or why my new and fabulous pots and pans needed to be red (disclosure: I only looked for pots and pans that were AVAILABLE in red, because ... well, you know why), or why the thought of twinkly, multi-coloured Christmas lights makes me feel a little twitchy and panic-stricken. I don't KNOW why my brain is wired this way. It just is. Your brain is probably wired differently, but I bet you still have little quirky things that bug you. I just have more of them, and  I'm very specific about them.

 (I'm not going to tell you what they are, as I'm already certain that you think I'm a lunatic.)

So for me, OCD should mean "OF COURSE, Danielle" as in "Of COURSE, Danielle, you needed red pots and pans."

Which, clearly, I did. But I can't be the only one because they're offered in red. So maybe there are more of us out there than I thought. We're a small, well regimented, very colour coordinated army. With red saute pans, cooking up a storm (and then cleaning up the mess in a mildly obsessive way).

Of course.