What's My Age Again?

All of a sudden, I have decided that I'm 36.

This is weird, because I'm not 36. I won't be 36 until the end of December.

For some reason, however, my brain has decided that I'm no longer 35. I am DEFINITELY 36. If you stopped me on the street and asked me how old I am (which, by the way, would be an odd thing to do -- why are you stopping people on the street and randomly asking them how old they are, you cheeky devil?) I would probably say "36 ... no, wait, 35."

I know that I'm not alone in this phenomenon. I have a friend who has been telling people that she's 40 since before she even turned 39. For the record? She still hasn't turned 40. But she's been thinking 40ish thoughts for a couple of years, so 40 it is.

I don't think there's anything significant about being 36. It's not one of those ages that gets a lot of bells and whistles; no one has a "Big Three-Six" party. (Okay, now I'm thinking that I might have one, because it's kind of fun to say Big Three-Six, and it would be quirky and silly.) There are no specialty balloons or products or drinkie poos for turning 36.

So what's my deal?

I don't know. Maybe it's that my early thirties were really difficult -- the kind of difficult that generally, one spends time discussing on a couch in a therapist's office (but I have a blog, hahaha) and I'm eager to see the back of them, to move towards my late thirties and all of the other things that wait for me.

That could be it. That doesn't feel wrong, but it doesn't precisely feel correct either; I don't think of myself as running from the past, though I do see myself as embracing the future in all of its unknown glory.

Maybe it's more this: I know too many people who are saddened about getting older, who view adding a year to their age as a marker of how much closer they are to the end; I LIKE getting older, because each birthday is a marker of how much time I've been here, and how much I still have to look forward to.

So perhaps, at the end of the day, the actual number doesn't matter. Maybe I don't need to remember -- 35? 36? What difference does it make? What is significant is that every day, I laugh and I love and I am happy -- and I have more laughter and love and happiness to look forward to. No matter how old I am.