Conversations from Last Weekend, Taken Out of Context

Some of these are things I said. Some of these were said by others. Either way? It was a delightfully silly weekend.

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"This is a song about a bad breakup." (audience cheers) "It's weird to me when y'all cheer for sad songs. Depression! Yaaaaaaaay!"

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"I thought we had broken up, but it turns out I was just being melodramatic."

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"This is JUST like high school." (pause) "Only, you know, way better. Because now I don't have a curfew."

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"Whenever I drink bourbon, my taste buds get pissed off."

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"Because, you know, I like my job, but it's not, like, I'm volunteering there, so getting paid is nice."

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"Remember the last time we came here?" "Yeah, my husband left me the next day." "Ooooooh. Do you want to go someplace else?" "No, it's cool. Since we're divorced, he can't leave me AGAIN. And plus, sushi."

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"No one should look that good in a jeans and a tshirt. I'm pretty sure that's not legal." "Yeah, Massachusetts has some weird laws."

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"Dancing is mandatory, not optional. How do people not KNOW that?"

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"Eel. Even the word feels slimy. Just say it: Eeeeeeeeeelllllll."

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"Is that caviar?" "Yeah, I pretend I don't see it."

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"Who loves you more than Auntie? NO ONE!" (whispers) "Other people will say that they do. They are TOTALLY lying."

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"Look!!! Old People!" "Hahaha, funny." "I like it when old people are cool. We're going to be cool when we're old." "Yeah." "Wait, are we cool now? We are, right?"

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"Furniture is NOT a jungle gym. Furniture is not for jumping on." "But what if the floor is made of lava?!" "Yeah, kids today don't play that game." GASP. "But ... that's ... sad." "Yeah, well, not if it means no one is jumping on the couch."

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"I just bought coffee and gargoyles. But I'm not going to give the coffee TO the gargoyles." (completely serious) "That would be weird."

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"I feel like if I knew her, we'd be friends. Because she's mental. Like me!"

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"If it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, then it's ... well, it's not a squid."

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 "It's like all of their music is stripper music." (Singer, from the stage:"I'm not singing this next song until I see some clothes coming off!") Shrug "Well, apparently they are aware of that."

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"That drummer looks like Nic Cage." "Well, he did need a backup job."

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"Of COURSE you like him. He's age inappropriate. You only like guys who are eligible for AARP. But I love that about you."

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"We should invent a board game." "We should. Because you know what will happen? Someone else will totally steal that idea and make a million dollars." "And then we'll be sad." "We'll be SO sad."

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"It kind of sucks that I'm wearing shoes right now."

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"I'm easily distracted by shiny things. I should probably have a tshirt that says that. So people are warned."

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"Hey -- DON'T put this in your blog."

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