RAWR!

As I get older and (theoretically) wiser, I find that my ... let's say capacity ... for going completely, off the charts, ridiculously bananas angry has been lessened. Not because people don't do things that make me mad -- trust me, they do, with alarming regularity -- but because I find that channelling my energy into rage is not productive, makes me tired, and, to be honest, is completely useless. Being mad at someone never really impacts the person you're mad at... it just impacts you as the holder of the rage, draining your spirit and your focus until you're a dried out husk of a human being, while the person who has caused the anger is merrily dancing through her day. Useless. Also? Sad.

However.

Don't let the above fool you into believing that I am not capable of the occasional bout of complete, batshit crazy anger. I am. It just takes a lot to get me there.

I got there yesterday.

It wasn't pretty.

One of the many benefits to working from home is this: if you completely lose your shit, there is -- thank the Lord -- no one to SEE it. And my oh my, but did I lose it. There may have been cursing. There may have been dramatic hand gestures and stomping about. There was very nearly crying. There may have been phone calls to decry the nonsense that made me angry in the first place, text messages for sympathy and supportive co-rage from friends, a cup of coffee gulped down in anger (which I don't recommend, as I may also have seared off the roof of my mouth while hypothetically chugging the molten  lava coffee).

Afterwards, spent and with the roof of my mouth blistered, I realized that as cathartic as my little (and mostly private) tantrum was, NOTHING WAS DIFFERENT. Except me. I was tired and burned. Everything else was the same.

I sat on the couch and stared out the window, watching the clouds blow by in silence and realized:

I was being an idiot.

This comes to me with some regularity -- I frequently catch myself being an idiot -- so allow me to be more specific.

Being angry is acceptable. Getting mad is fine. Acting like a spoiled child is NOT.

However, making an honest effort to change or FIX what is making you angry and what has set you off in the first place?

That, my friend, is a plan.

Look -- we all have things that will make us angry. We have the right to our anger when we experience it, and we have the right to act on it in whatever way works for us. I'm just saying that raging tantrums no longer work for me. What will work for me is trying to make a positive impact and working to fix whatever it is that is making me angry or unhappy. And maybe I won't be able to do so. Maybe sometimes the way to fix something is to walk away from it. If so, that's okay, but at least instead of wearing myself out, I'll know that I did something.

Something other than walking around t-rex style, roaring and gnashing my teeth, as amusing as that might be to onlookers.