Just Saying No

So yesterday, someone who I normally enjoy and care for deeply posted something on his facebook wall that I found both racist and offensive. I'm not going to repost it here, but let's say this:

1) In terms of offensiveness, it wasn't off the charts. However, it was offensive enough that my first reaction was one of "That's so not cool."

2) I didn't quite know what to do about it.

I once saw an interview with Maya Angelou in which she said that if she has guests, and one of them tells a racist/sexist/ offensive joke, she asks them to leave (and to be honest, I can't imagine that this happens very often. Who would go to MAYA ANGELOU'S house and tell an offensive joke? Can you imagine?), because she cannot condone that sort of speech under her roof. I applaud the sentiment, but I'm not that bold.

I don't think I am, anyway.

Also, I should say that I think the terms racist/ homophobic/ sexist are interchangable in some ways because they all boil down to the same thing: hatred. Hatred, intolerance, and ignorance.

So there I am, at my computer. Staring at the feed upon which has appeared this little smidgen of ickyness, and wondering: Do I BLOCK the posts from this person? Is that the facebook equivalent of kicking someone out of your house? Is that even warranted here?

Do I say something? Do I NOT say something? I don't want to alienate my friend. But I also don't want him to think that what he's posted is okay with me, because it's not in any way okay.

I looked at the screen. And then I hesitantly typed  into the comment box that I found his post offensive.

Listen --  I don't think my friend is a racist/homophobic/hateful jerk.

But.

I also think we let things go ALL of the time, things that could be hurtful but that, you know, are on the edge of the line. They haven't crossed the line, exactly, but they're standing on it.

And then I think of Jamey Rodemeyer, a kid who was bullied until he killed himself and I think, it all starts somewhere. With something that is not HORRIBLE, but iffy. Someone throws something out there and waits to see if anyone will step up and say "this is not okay." And when no one does, the speaker -- and his audience -- can become more bold ... and more bold ... and more hurtful ... until finally, some well meaning people saying that it gets better isn't enough to get someone through another day.

Again, my friend, who posted this thing on facebook? Isn't hateful or horrible. He's actually nice, funny, and kind. I just felt like -- we have to draw the line. We have to say when we're not okay with something. We have to tell someone "I expect more from you."

So I did. Because -- maybe THIS is how change happens. One person at a time. Just saying no. No, I won't listen to you saying these things. No, I won't sit silently while you do. No, I won't condone this speech. No, I will not let you sink to this level. 

And yes, my friend, I DO expect more from you.