Roller Coaster

I used to tell people that I think life is like a roller coaster: big highs and lows with stretches of normal, so that you can appreciate the twisty, turny bits.

I still think that.

But I also think it's important to look at the people sitting in the car with you.

*****

Some of the best memories in my life involve amusement parks, as it turns out. Going to Funtown, USA with my girls in high school. Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, Virginia with my mom. Canobie Lake Park with my friend Neha, zooming along a wooden coaster track in a rainstorm, laughing like a lunatic. The company you keep is important. Especially when things are all upsy and then -- suddenly -- downy.

*****

There are people who want to be beside you for the entirety of the ride. Who can sit there with you in the rain and giggle madly with you. 

There are people who want to be with you during the good bits, the upswings.

And there are people who will watch your face for the moments that make you feel like you're going to hurl, and who can't wait to tell you "I told you so."

*****

It has taken me some time (maybe more than it should have) to find my happy. There are people -- lots of people -- who are happy for me.

There are also people who are not; they are watching for the other shoe to drop so they can swoop in, dispense advice, and tell me where I went wrong. 

*****

I don't know how to feel about this.

*****

My previous statement is a lie. I know exactly how to feel about this.

*****

If you are my friend? If you love me? Then you will get in this car with me. Oh sure, it's raining. This whole thing seems crazy. The track is wooden and worn, but we can all be brave. Laugh with me as we go hurtling towards what's next. 

Laugh, and know that this moment -- these moments -- are so happy and amazing and that, whatever comes next? This was so worth it.

And if you can't do that?

Well. 

I will miss you.