"Hey, it's raining wicked hard. You should take my umbrella."
"I am a dude. I am not walking around with a polka-dotted umbrella."
"What? It has a sassy ruffle!"
"He made me so mad that I wanted to stab him. But instead I decided to get a sandwich with peanut sauce. Less bloody, more delicious."
"And? I don't think they have peanut sauce in jail. Which is where you would go if you stabbed him."
"Once again, you have used logic and reason to keep me from making terrible choices."
"How's that piece coming?"
"Eh. I've been frowning at it for fifteen minutes. Oddly, that has not improved its quality at all."
"That's not how it works?"
"Soup is like a hug that you eat with a spoon."
"That ... is creepier than you meant it to be, I think."
"No, I think it's exactly as creepy as I meant it to be."
"How are you doing?"
"I'm thinking about rage eating donuts. ALL OF THE DONUTS."
"Ah, paging Dr Creme, Dr Boston Creme."
"You love those liney things when you write."
"That's an em dash."
"I wanna use one!"
"How do they work again?"