"That would be HILARIOUS. And by 'hilarious' I mean potentially causing death or injury and also highly illegal."
"Your definitions. They amuse me."
"So then I found out that when you have a tonsillectomy? They BURN THEM OUT. Did you know that?"
"Do you think they use lasers?"
"No, it's probably much more primitive. Like, they knock you out and then a band of villagers bearing torches shows up."
"Dude, when he comes out of there he's gonna be CRANKY."
"He needs carbs. Let's just throw cookies at him until he calms down."
"I've come to realize that my issues with lipstick are really about the fact that I have stupid lips."
"I mean, being a pretty shade of red? Only accentuates their stupidness."
"He needs to calm down. He needs, like a hot bath and a good book and a cup of tea."
"Oh wait, no. That's me. I need that."