Teeny. Tiny... Oh, Wait.

I'm obsessed intrigued by the tiny house movement for a number of reasons.

First: everything is cuter when it's little. Think about it. Baby critters. Tiny stuffed animals and toys. Cupcakes. Baby shoes. The smaller the more adorable. Even teeny spiders somehow manage to be cute. I'll still squish 'em, but they're cute. Tiny houses are SO CUTE.

Second: I like the notion of scaling back and having less. (Except for books, but I'll get to that in a minute.) I like the idea of taking up less space and trying to meet your needs in a way that makes sense and is sustainable instead of surrounding yourself with ALL OF THE THINGS.

(Again, unless the things are books. Because you should totally surround yourself with books.)

Third: Cleaning it would be a snap. It's a tiny house! How dirty could it get?

I keep seeing teeny, tiny, minuscule, incredibly awesome houses on social media, and I keep thinking:    I want one.

And to be honest? I think the Fella and I could pull it off. Our apartment is teeeeeeensy (studio! One room!) and has one functional closet and we're making this work. We could completely live in a tiny, sweet, cozy little house.

Well, we mostly could live in a tiny house. We would just have one, not insignificant problem.

The books.

I know what you're thinking: Just get an e-reader!

We have e-readers.

We have two, in fact.

And yet, despite that, we also have seven shelves full of books in the house and about eleven crates and bins of them in storage. (There are also several shopping bags in there that I suspect hold books, but at this point I'm afraid to look, because I think that might mean that we have the kind of problem that calls for a twelve-step program and anonymous meetings that ABSOLUTELY cannot be held in libraries.)

Our love of books is a speed bump on my personal tiny house highway, but despite this, I don't -- we don't -- stop getting books. We're book people, you see. We love them. We need to be around them. We need to be able to see and touch and open them.

I'll figure this out at some point. I will.

And when I do? The tiny house will have a not-so-tiny library.

If You're Feeling Alone

You're not alone.

I've been where you are. There has been more than one time in my life when I didn't know how to say that things were fucked up and that I was lost, and afraid, and that I wanted to hurt myself because I didn't know how to cope with the pain that simply waking up in the morning caused.

You are NOT alone.

My friends -- who are wonderful people -- kept holding out their hands and begging me to take them. Come on, they said. We've got you. Come on.  Sometimes I was able to grab hold and they would pull me close. Okay, it's okay, they said, we're right here. You're not alone.

Neither are you.

I know sometimes it feels like you are. I know sometimes those outstretched hands seem impossibly far away. But I also know this:

I will never stop reaching out to you. I will never not love you. I will never, ever, not hold on if there's a moment when you wrap your fingers around mine. If you need me? I will be there for you. If you want to talk, I have ears to listen. If you want to sit quietly, I have a chair. If you need a hug, I will offer you my arms. If you need a drink, I'm buying. Whatever you need.

You are not alone.

What I learned, what I know, is that an offered hand is the most valuable thing in the world. That feeling alone is not the same as being alone.

I am here. My hand is outstretched.

You are not alone.

Marriage Equality

If you've been following this blog for any length of time, then you know I have long been an advocate for marriage equality.

I am writing this post on July 26, 2015. Today, the Supreme Court ruled that marriage equality is the law of the land.

My brain is trying to comprehend this in a "Did that just happen?!?" kind of a way because ... okay. When a single state ruled for marriage equality? It was amazing and excellent and I would do the happy dance around my house and sing to my cat and offer up thanks to Jesus and try to avoid gloating to my loved ones who don't agree with me for religious reasons* and just bask in the awesome.

One state at a time, I thought.

But this? This is... all of the states.

So you'll have to forgive me if I'm crying right now, if I keep pinching myself to be sure I'm awake, if I'm terrified that somehow, someone will snatch this out from under all of us.

The whole country. All at once. In one ruling.

I keep thinking of those loved ones who disagree with me, and thinking: You taught me to love everyone. You taught me that we are all worthy. We all deserve the same things.

I absorbed your lessons. I believe you were right. We are all worthy and deserving. That's all skin colors and religions and backgrounds and I know you never considered sexualities but it's that too and I don't want to fight with you but this? This is so important and I know it because of what you taught me and I believe it the way I believe that I am right handed and green eyed.

I am so happy and so bizarrely freaked out right now. I know that the fight for us all to love each other and accept each other and believe in each other isn't over.

But love has gained a foothold. A strong foothold.

I'll shed some joyful tears for that.

*Sometimes I failed. Sorry about the gloating, loved ones.

Randoms

I

"We could spend the day binge watching SHIELD"

"I prefer the term 'marathon watching'; binge connotates unhealthy behavior."

"Like sitting inside all day and watching tv?"

"Well, yeah."

II

"We are victims of Marvel... If only they'd churn out Sherlock the way they do Marvel Comics... Oh wait! Isn't Cumberbatch going to be in one of the new ones?"

"YES! He IS! ... Take all my money, Marvel!"

III

"It's like all of the spiders just IGNORE. The. Treaty!"

"Reading isn't really an arachnid thing, Yellie."

"It needs to be. Because otherwise being squished by a Nike is TOTALLY a thing. 'Just Do It?' Don't mind if I do!"

IV

"Look at this photo. It's a ray migration. So many stingrays. I'm kind of freaked out."

"And then you remembered that you don't go in the ocean..."

"Oh! Because I don't like being at the bottom of the food chain!"

"... And the crisis was averted."

V

"There should be more fun names for groups of things. Like a group of crows is a murder. There should be more like that."

"Like a group of zombies would be an UUUUUURG."

"A group of politicians would be a sleaze! 'Did you see that huge sleaze of politicians?' 'Yeah, Congress is in session.' "

"A group of rappers is a bling."

"A group of celebrities would be a cah-ching!"

 

Will You Stand? (For Charleston, and Everywhere Else)

One of my friends on Facebook posted the below:

Heather Marie shared Jim Zerbe III's photo.

25 mins ·

Jim Zerbe III

COME ON PEOPLE, LET'S FLOOD FACISTBOOK WITH THE STARS AND BARS!!!!!!!

And I thought, I should probably let this go.

But then I didn't.

• • 

    Danielle Hayes I don't understand why you would want to do this, and it saddens me.

    Like · Reply · 27 mins
  • 

    Heather Marie Its history it deserves to stay

    Like · Reply · 15 mins
  • 

    Danielle Hayes It has everything to do with colour. I lived in North Carolina for three years, in an area where the Klan is alive and well. In nearly every Confederate State's documentation withdrawing from the U.S. is language decrying the rights and humanity of people of colour, and stating that slavery is a God-given right since "the black race" is inferior and subservient. That flag should be to this country what the swastika is to Germany -- a symbol of organized and institutionalized bigotry, ignorance, and hatred that has no place in a country that does not need to be further divided. 
    
    It should not be removed from our history as a country. It is important that we be reminded that we have overcome a period when it was legal to exploit, use, and destroy fellow human beings for the sake of profit. It should, however, be removed from our present in the same way that Germany doesn't fly the swastika over its government buildings. It is part of the past that has no place in a present. Bigotry and intolerance and yes, racism have no place here, and neither does this flag.

    Like · Reply · Just now · Edited
    
    
    

  I didn't let it go because I have friends in Charleston who were devastated by what happened in their hometown, in the city that they love. 

I didn't let it go because some of my favorite people in this world are people of colour, people who would have been enslaved and exploited and harmed under that flag.

I didn't let it go because I have friends who have children who are people of colour, and who deserve a home country that doesn't fly a flag ANYWHERE that indicates that they are less than perfect and valid and wonderful and WORTHY.

I didn't let it go because when you have a voice, you need to use it to speak up. Because you need to stand up for others. Because you need to do what's right, right in that moment.

Because love is more important than hate, and needs to speak more loudly than hate. 

Will you stand?

Being the Grown-Up

It wasn't long after we started having him spend the weekends when the Wee One, The Fella's son, said "I am supposed to ask a grown up before I something something something." I don't remember what it was that he wanted permission to do; it's completely escaped me because he was looking at me when he asked.

Because I was supposed to grant or deny permission.

Because ... and this is so weird ... I was the grown up.

Now, those of you who have children all of the time, who signed up for parenthood legally or who had a child exit her body (or who is the proud partner of someone who did) are probably laughing your ass off at the idea that while the Wee One was looking for me to reply,  I was looking around to see who else would be qualified to say "yes" or "no" or "maybe later" because I did not want those doe eyes staring at me, expecting that I would know what to do in any situation, let alone EVERY situation.

Or maybe you're not laughing. Maybe you're nodding sympathetically because you've been there too. Like when they sent you home with your own wee one for the first time without an instruction manual or a supervising adult because -- guess what? That's YOU now! GOOD LUCK HAHAHAHAHA!

I keep thinking maybe it's easier if the wee ones don't arrive in your life kind of sudden-like, if you have time to get used to the idea. "Okay, in about forty weeks there's going to be a child.  Okay. Um. I need to ...buy some stuff. And read some books and watch some videos and ....ewwwww, okay, no more videos... and, you know, prepare for this. But an infant won't know that I'm winging it, and by the time she's old enough to figure it out maybe I'll be, err, LESS winging it. Which would be good, since I totally don't want this kid to realize right away that I am TERRIFIED right now."

Sometimes I am terrified, even though, as the Wee One himself has pointed out, I'm not his mom. I'm his Yellie. We're both figuring out what that means, but here's what I know for sure:

It means that he expects me to know answers.

It means that I have Legos in my purse for when he's having a super good day.

It means that he wants me to read him stories sometimes.

It means that I worry about his schooling and what the future holds for him.

It means that he thinks I am an excellent baker.

It means that I've sucked it up and started to bake things.

It means that he snuggles up to me on the love seat.

It means that I love his little face.

It means that he thinks I'm a grown up.

And it means ... that I think I'm learning how to be one.

Sort of.

Slowly.

In the meantime, if you want to play with some Legos, I've got some in my purse.

Mutual Appreciation

Some people are wordy people. For example, I am clearly a word person. I like to use language in a variety of  formats to express myself. I'm the girl who writes cards and letters and long, grammatically correct texts and ... oh yeah, a blog. I like words.

Some people are not wordy people. Some people are action-oriented. They will do rather than say.

For the record? These are both valid ways of being.  One is not better than the other.

Let me just say that again, in case you missed it:

One is not better than the other.

Oh, but we like to think one is preferable, don't we? If you're a word person, you believe that words are the pinnacle of expression. If you're an action person, you don't understand why some people can't appreciate or see a gesture and understand what is expresses.

I see this a lot in the relationships around me and find that it is the source of a boatload of frustration; people failing to hear -- or see -- what a friend/ family member/ partner/ coworker / whatever is expressing to them because the mode of communication is not the one that s/he primarily uses.

As an example, let's look at apologies.

Word people will apologize with words. All of the words. They will say it. They will write it. They may sing it. They will tell you, in no uncertain terms, that they are sorry, so very very sorry, and will do their best to try not to do whatever the thing was ever again. EVER.

Word people think other people should apologize this way, and if someone doesn't apologize to them in this fashion, they're usually (mostly) convinced that the other person is not sorry, not even a little, and is in fact a colossal jerk.

Action people? Don't usually get what all of the fuss is about. They might not verbally apologize. Instead, they will demonstrate their regret about what happened through gestures -- some big, some small, but clearly there. The verbal apology is not what's important to them, but showing that they're sorry is; because of that, they don't necessarily enjoy a word-based apology. They want to see something happening that shows you're sorry and, if they don't get that? They're usually (mostly) convinced that the other person is not sorry, not even a little, and is in fact a colossal jerk.

The problem isn't that the world is full of colossal jerks. The problem is that so few of us take the time to appreciate each other. The problem is that we get so hung up on our way of doing things -- what we think of as the "right" way -- that we can't see past being right to see -- or hear -- the way the people in our lives are expressing themselves and appreciate it.

And it's important. It's important to understand that there are a million -- a zillion! -- ways to tell someone you love them, or that you're sorry, or that you're angry, or proud, or whatever you are, and that no one way is the correct way. Yes, if you're a word-oriented person, it's great to hear that someone loves you,  but it's also really amazing to see it in action.

Ideally? We'd all back up all of our words with actions and our actions with words. However, that's not how most of us are wired.  There are a lot of people who can't say what they feel, but they can show it.

We need to appreciate each other more, I think. All of us. In each and every way we can express ourselves.