Guess Who's Back ... Back Again

Yes, it's me. (Though, in an older SNL reference, am forced to say: "I'm neither slim NOR shady. Discuss...)

I'm getting a jump start on a New Year's resolution, which is to blog every day. EVERY DAY WITH THE BLOGGING. (This makes my brain go: Whoa, that's a LOT of blogging...)

Here's what I see as the potential issues with the concept of daily blogging:

A. You might get bored. ("Is she seriously blathering on AGAIN? She needs to get a grip! Does she think we care about this nonsense?")

B. I might run out of things to write about. As such, you are STRONGLY encouraged to post blog ideas here or on Facebook. Got a question? Think something would be super amusing? Bring it, people!

At any rate, today is the first day of a big bunch o' blogs. As such, I am going to make 15 random statements, some of which may (or may not ... you're all subject to my whims! Bwah hah haaaaaaah!) make it into expanded posts later, but all of which should probably be giving you a little window into the mess that is my noggin:

1. Why is the toilet cleaner I use scented like mint? What's the deal with minty toilet water? I get the lemon scented cleaners -- because Lemon/Citrus is clearly the smell of clean -- but Mint? REALLY? Who thought of that? (Personally, I don't think mouthwash and toilets should smell the same. I'm just saying)

2. Tofu. Love it. Except ... it's squeaky. Mildly disturbing.

3. Announcing that you have no Christmas tree opens one up to a plethora of reactions. Am I Jewish? Is it a political statement? Do I hate Christmas? Weirdness.

4. I'm turning 35 in 11 days. I have big plans for this year. Biiiiiiig plans. Stay tuned.

5. I fully recognize that I need to plan a vacation ... but I also recognize that I'm bad at vacationing, because I'm very ... er, what's the word ... overscheduled. As in: I will so overschedule a vacation that it becomes like work 2.0. It's a problem. (Although, as it's currently all of 15 degrees outside, work 2.0 on a beach in Mexico? I could TOTALLY be okay with that)

6. How come the holidays make so many people act like jackasses? Merry freaking Christmas to you too. Which leads me to ...

7. ... my history of working in retail makes me boycott Black Friday shopping. While you were eating your turkey and thinking about getting up early on Friday and enjoying the sales? I was already at work, prepping for the madness. Making someone work a mandatory 13 hour shift, beginning at 10 PM ON THANKSGIVING so I could get a sweater for 20% off? I don't think so.

8. Am I the only vegetarian who feels like imitation meat products are like cheating? I love fake bacon ... but I feel like if I was a "real" vegetarian, I wouldn't even eat that. (Ah, guilt, it's how I roll...)

9. Smartcars look like roller skates.

10. Who gets to be the person who invents candle smells for, say, Yankee Candle? How do I get in on that gig? "Let's make a candle that smells exactly like the air after it rains in, like, August... you know, that smell like the earth is breathing? THAT SMELL. Let's make that." (By the way ... I would buy that. I LOVE that smell.)

11. Tipping at restaurants is not optional ... it should be 20%, and you should round up when in doubt. I'm just saying.

12. I don't understand Bluetooth or why people use it. I don't care that you can talk to anyone, anytime -- you look like a doofus.

13. I have mocked Twilight like it's my job, but I still haven't read it. Again with the guilt... I don't think I should continue to make fun of it without reading it ... so I might have to cave. (But I would like to say it again: Vampires don't sparkle in the sunlight. They burst into flame. It's not so sexy.)

14. Some people have kids. Some people have pets. (Some people have both, but that's another matter). If I tell you I have a cat and you immediately say "I hate cats"? It's sort of like I said I have a child and you've announced "I HATE children." Why would you do that?

15. Who invented nail polish? Who decided that having coloured fingernails would be such a great idea? (My mother doesn't believe a woman is fully dressed for public viewing without nail polish on.)

Let the daily blogging commence!