Monday, October 14, 2013

Side Dish

I wanted to start this post off like this: "MEN!"

But then I realized that is a) sexist and b) the message of this post does not apply only to men.



Please be aware that the following is in no way flattering. Period:

"I would totally cheat on my significant other with you."

I know that in your head this might SEEM like a compliment. Let me clear this up for you: it is not.

Here's why.

When you tell someone that you would cheat with him/her, what you're actually saying is this: "Whoa, look at me! I have no respect for you OR my partner! I am lightly coated with slime!"

What you're also saying is this: I think you would make a great side dish, but I don't like you QUITE enough to make you the main dish (not that it matters, because I don't have any respect for my main dish)."

I know that you're probably thinking that I'm overthinking it.

I'm not overthinking it.

You're probably ALSO thinking, "Well, how often does this happen?"

I don't know about everyone else, but I can tell you truthfully that it happens to me a lot. This is, perhaps, because I am a whistle only dogs can hear (and it makes me question quite a few aspects of my own personality because, really, what's up with this?) but it happens frequently enough that I am obviously posting about it.

So listen up, humans. If you're actually thinking "I would so cheat with this other person" to the point that the words are coming out of your mouth? End your relationship. Do everyone a favour.

And if the words DO come out of your mouth? Don't be surprised if the person you are saying those words to does not look flattered but, instead, walks away.

Possibly forever.

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