I'm a Wizard

... I'm not actually a wizard. (Aren't you glad I put that in here? What a WEIRDO, right? Like you were thinking, "Hmmmm, I had NO IDEA she was a wizard, I'm so glad she mentioned it.") But at work, where there are multiple running jokes, one of the jokes is that my friend J is the Queen of all Things and I am a wizard. I don't even know how this started.

But it's funny. So who's going to argue?

This is the busy season at my job, so there's been no real time to get trained to do things. It's more of a "watch and learn" deal. As a result, there have been long stretches of "OMGIDON'TKNOWWHATI'MDOING" followed by the sense of "HELP!!!!"

As you can probably imagine, this makes me uncomfortable. I don't enjoy the feeling that I'm clueless. I do very much enjoy being -- cluefull? -- and having the sense that I'm on top of things. I spent six years running the company for my previous employer. I knew how to do everything. And then -- nada, zip, zilch.

Stressful.

At the same time, though? Really very awesome. Because if there's one thing I know, it's that struggling to learn something new is good for you. It's good to be taken down a few pegs now and then. It's good to stretch your brain around new concepts. It's good to learn to ask for help and to work through new challenges.

I like it. Mostly. I don't like the days I feel dumb or useless or "dammit why don't I know this!" but I like it.

Yesterday, a coworker asked me for help with something and I showed him "here's how this works, here's what you do, then do this thing, now do that," and I realized -- I DO know what I'm doing.  At some point in the last 9 weeks, I internalized some of the stuff that's been thrown at me.

If I like the challenge, I LOVE knowing that I actually -- after all is said and done -- have learned what I'm doing enough to help to train other people. It's glorious.

And it kind of makes me feel like I might be a wizard after all.