"The word 'engaged' has GAG in the middle of it."
"What? It's TRUE!"
"Why haven't I heard from her yet?"
"Well. She might still be at the doctor. OR... She might be eating a delicious hamburger!"
"I'm just saying. She has options."
"Awww, Townhouse is so funny. Serving size, three crackers. HAHAHAHAHA."
"That's like Ben and Jerry saying there are four servings in a pint. No, there is ONE. Come on boys, get serious. Plus, would I even be spooning this into my face if I was concerned about serving sizes?"
"Ugh. Facebook post: Life isnt about how many breathes you take but about the moments that take your breathe away."
"Apparently, life is NOT about punctuation. Or spelling."
"I would like that guy? Except that he's a terrible person who triggers a reflex in me that makes me want to punch him directly in the junk."
"But except for that?"
"Except for that I would totally enjoy him."