The Lion Sleeps Tonight (... and I am SO Jealous)

I have periodic bouts of insomnia.


Here's the thing with insomnia -- I never know when it's going to strike. There's no way to predict it. I was told that I should have a standard, pre-going to bed ritual, so I have a kind of routine for getting ready for bed. I was told I shouldn't drink coffee after 2 PM, so I don't. I was told I should cut back on the Diet Coke, so I did.


I did everything.


And every night, I go to bed and fall asleep. Insomnia (for me, at least) has nothing to do with being able to FALL asleep.


It's about being able to STAY asleep.


Some nights, I sleep for two hours... and then it's all over. I'm awake for the rest of the night. If this happens for a few nights in a row, I become a little bit -- off. (Hey, you would too if you went three or four days with only two or three hours of sleep per day.)


The good thing about insomnia -- if indeed there IS a good thing -- is that I have a lot of time to think. I decided to make a narrative of some of the things that bopped into my noggin during my most recent sleepless night. (The things I do for you people).

10:30 PM"... finished the whole Twilight series. The last book was a little confusing to me for two reasons: First, biologically? I don't think male vampires can have sex because they don't have a working heart OR circulation, per say. The second? The author made such a big deal about the fact that vampires lack standard body fluids (sweat, tears) that I'm thinking pregnancy after the impossibility of sex seems VERY unlikely. But for all of that -- yeah, those books were kind of bad, but in the best possible way. They weren't the worst thing I've ever read, that's for sure ... what IS the worst thing I've ever read? Are there any books I've really hated? There was that Maggie's Diary thing that I read in grad school. That was BAD, REALLY bad ... I wonder if that lady is still writing? How come she has published a novel and I haven't? Oh, well, I've never actually finished a novel. That would probably help... how do people find the time to write? Or do anything? I guess I could be writing right now, I'm just laying here. Awake. I wish I could fall asleep. I'm going to be cranky tomorrow. I should just get up. I mean, if I'm going to be awake, there are things I could be doing. Like writing. Except I'd have to put my glasses on and I don't feel like that. Plus my bed is really warm and cozy. I love flannel sheets. I should buy some more flannel sheets. God, I spend a lot of time at Target. How many times a week do I go there? Seriously. That's ridiculous. I must go there two or three times a week. I need to stop shopping. After the holidays, I'm going on a budget. I'm going to sit down and write myself a budget, that's what I'm going to do. After the holidays. Yep. Oh Lord, Christmas is this weekend. I need to finish wrapping presents. I am such a bad present wrapper. All of my presents look like they've been handled by Fezzik in The Princess Bride. I bet he's a bad Christmas present wrapper. I love that movie. I should have picked it up when I was at Target, actually. I haven't watched it in a while. Although, I have seen it and there are so many movies that I've never seen ... I should buy a movie I HAVEN'T seen... no! I should join Netflix, that's what I should do. Then I could watch whatever I feel like watching. Except that I would have to do that AFTER the budget. Right. Riiiiight ... I keep thinking I want to get a tattoo on my right wrist. I need to just make an appointment. Wait, not 'to just' ... should be 'just to make'. Stupid split infinitives. Why do I correct my grammar in my own thoughts? And how come I haven't internalized the split infinitive issue? That's just weird. I'm just weird, I guess... You know what's weird? Those car commercials that had the toys -- sock monkeys and stuff -- driving cars. I thought that was funny, but I didn't get it. Car commercials are weird to me. There are a LOT of perfume commercials on at Christmastime... do perfume sales spike at Christmas? Who buys perfume based on an ad? I don't think anyone is watching tv thinking, 'Wish I smelled like that hot sweaty naked chick' ... wait, I TOTALLY bet people are thinking that. I SO wish I was asleep. I wonder what time it is now?"

10:32 PM