Waiting Game

I am not terribly patient -- not in an "Argh! Why is this taking so long? Watch as I become angry and accusing" way (though, in retrospect, I'm sure that's happened one ... or two ... thousand times) but in an "Oh! I'm very excited/agitated and want this to happen RIGHT NOW!" kind of a way.

Usually this means that if I buy someone -- my mother, for example -- a present for her birthday, she will get it WAAAAY before her birthday, and then I will buy her ANOTHER present when it's her birthday, because I'm excited about what I bought and I want her to have it RIGHT NOW. (For the record, my mother hates this. I can't help it.)

It also means that if I'm going on vacation in August, and it's only February, I already have a loose plan for what I'm going to pack because I'm excited about the trip. I've also already requested the vacation time and purchased tickets and thought about whether or not I can get away with a carry on and no suitcase.

So when I am forced to have patience, I don't like it.

I am currently being forced to have patience.

I had some medical tests last week, and the results were supposed to be in on Friday. I didn't hear from the doctor so I called her. And waited. And waited. And when I finally stepped away from the phone after 5 PM, that was when she called me back... and of course, when I called her back 10 minutes later, she was gone for the day, so I STILL don't have the results.

They're kind of important.  (And by "kind of" I mean "definitely". They're important. I would like to have them back, whether good or bad or inconclusive, just so that I'm not in the dark.) However, there's nothing I can do right now but wait, which is what I have been doing, albeit with a poor attitude and very little grace.

I do keep thinking that, perhaps, by making having to wait, I am being forced to slow down. I go at 100 miles an hour all of the time. Somewhere to go. Something to do. Zip zip zip. Instead of spending my weekend zooming around like a rocket, I spent some time sitting with myself, and considering the fact that not knowing the test results didn't fundamentally change anything. If the outcome was less than positive, the only difference was that now I had that information. I would still be the same person with the same goofball humour and the same issues and silliness that I had BEFORE the tests.

I also thought that if the outcome is less than positive, it would mean I need to treat myself more kindly -- and then I thought: why not treat myself with more kindness anyway? What's wrong with that plan?

Not a thing.

So here I sit. Still waiting.

(However -- since I am still sitting here, waiting, I'd like to take a minute to tell you that heart disease is the number one killer of women... and there are things you can do to prevent it. Check out http://www.goredforwomen.org/ for more info, would you? It will make me happier while I wait -- and you want to help, right?)

Hey, me again ... I did finally get the results back and everything is totally fine. Sigh of relief ... aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh ...