It’s so easy unintentionally to hurt someone. Not because their feelings don’t matter to you, because they do, but because sometimes, your truth is not what they want or need to hear. It’s like we’re all wearing glasses that allow what we need to be in sharp focus, but what other people want or need is a little less clear, so while you reach for that thing – whatever it might be – you can’t necessarily see what it is you’re bumping up against, or who you might be knocking down.
Or, in other words: It’s hard when someone’s dreams and your dreams don’t exactly match up.
It’s harder still when you don’t even have to time to have a dream. Because honestly, if you asked me right now what I dream of? I would tell you that right now, I’m the one-day-at-a-time girl. If I am getting crazy, I might look ahead to the weekend. That’s how my life works right now and I’m finding peace with it, because I know it’s just right now. It’s not forever. It’s just for the next several todays, until I get to the other side of the mountain I’m climbing.
I don’t mind the climb. I do mind that other people mind it, because … I wanted to say there’s nothing I can do, but that’s not true. I could tell myself that it’s just a job, it’s not that important. I could back down or give up but I’m not going to because I don’t quit. I’ve seen other people – people I trusted, people I thought highly of – walk away.
This girl doesn’t walk away from a fight.
There are people counting on me. I’m not going to let them down. That’s the bottom line.
But by having such a narrow focus, I know that I have hurt someone, and I don’t know how to reconcile that.