Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Dear Person Who Checked Out My Social Media Profile In The Hopes That I Had Expired In A Tragic Accident:

1) As you can see, I’m still here, puttering my way through life. Lalalalalalaaaaaaa. Try not to be disappointed.

2) You should consider doing your social media stalking on websites that don’t SHOW that you’re doing it. Facebook, for example, doesn’t show you who is looking at your profile. This blog, also, doesn’t show me precisely who is reading it. Those are sneaky ways to see what I’m up to.  The site that you chose posts a great big photo and says “PEOPLE WHO HAVE LOOKED AT YOUR PROFILE” which is, um … well, you should probably not consider a career as a ninja. It’s not for you.

3) I wasn’t going to mention this, but since we’re being so candid – remember when your dog ate my brand new shoe and I laughed it off? I was really mad. However, my momma raised me to be polite and I didn’t want you to feel bad; I loved those shoes, though, and it irritated me that you thought it was funny.

4) I’m sorry that the idea of me still bothers you so much that you have to look into what I’m up to. It’s a little sad. Since I’m not going to return the favour, I hope that you are doing well and that you are happy.

5) Your hair looked nice in your profile photo. I just thought I’d mention that.

Anyway. Carry on with the stalking profile reading, and have a great day! (Just, maybe, keep your shoes out of your dog’s reach. He thinks they’re snacks.)




  1. I feel like the "hugs" at the end may be a tad insincere. :-D

    1. just a teensy smidgen, though I really would like this person to be happy. We should all be happy!