Friday Randoms

I

"Sometimes it looks like the grass is greener, but then you remember that it's just a trick of the light."

II

"Baby, It's Cold Outside is the rapey-est Christmas song ever."

"For real. It's practically a police report."

III

"The cat would NOT get off of me. Every time I moved her off me, she came right back."

"Yuck."

"She was like a tiny, purring, fuzzy boomerang."

IV

"And then in the fourth quarter, the Pats ... wait. You're not listening. Are you listening?"

"I'm listening, I'm just not understanding. Or caring. But I am 100% listening."

V

"I hate carrots." (Bites carrot, immediate starts choking on carrot shrapnel.)

"Interesting. They seem to hate you right back. And they have murderous intentions!"