Monday Out of Contexts

I'm sorry if you hate these posts, but a) they make me giggle and b) they are  perfect for Mondays, so I think they need to be a regular feature.

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"You should empty the dishwasher." "Why? The dishes just moved in and they're so happy there."

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"Could I get a large chai?" "The large is ... excessively large." "Then could I have an excessively large chai?"

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"You don't need a neti pot. You need a mouthful of wasabi. Same effect, a little more pain, but without the sensation that you might drown."

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"You bought RAMEN?" "The cheap food content in my blood was low. It was that or Taco Bell."

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"If we're going to do to the full on breakdown of the emotional crisis, I'm going to need at least one pint of Ben & Jerry's."

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"Let's review: Who's the boss of you?" "You are?" pause "Okay, yes, but who else?" "Um ... Me?"

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"You keep using that word.  I do not think--" "If you quote Princess Bride right now I will hurt you. Dramatically."

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"The people demand Diet Coke!" "They only have Pepsi." "The people. They are sorely disappointed."

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"Halloween is better than Thankgiving. Because there are costumes. And festivities. And the likelihood that you might stab someone with a meat fork is lower."