What's In a Name?

When your name is Danielle, you have to get used to people wanting to call you "Dani" because they think it's sassy and fun and cute.

While I FREELY admit to being all of those things,* I need to be very upfront about this: I am NOT a Dani.

But that doesn't keep people from trying to make me into one. Actual conversation on the phone, with a previous co-worker: "Heyyyyyyy Dani!" (pause) "Do people call you Dani?"

"Not people who want to live," I said, sweetly.

He got the hint.

Here's the thing: my dad? Is named Daniel. Often shortened to Danny. So if HE was Danny and I was Dani -- well, how freaking confusing would that be? It would be RIDICULOUS.

Plus, "Dani" strikes me as a name for a person wholly different from myself. Dani Hayes Balentine would have dotted her i's with little hearts. She would have figured out the weight thing when she was a little girl. She would be nicer, less acerbic. She would have taken dance classes and gymnastics and learned to do a proper cartwheel.

She would have gone to business school, I think. She'd wear suits to work, carry a briefcase, drive a BMW. She would be married and have two kids. And a dog. She wouldn't be afraid of horses and would collect antiques and would have a family portrait that was taken at the Cape tastefully framed and hanging above the fireplace in her large, artfully decorated home.**

All of which sound like a nice life, to be honest. But it's not MY life.

I'm not a Dani.

I'm a Danielle. I'm sometimes a Dee. My mother HATES that nickname, but I like it, if only because it's much easier to sign things "Dee Balentine" than it is to get Danielle Balentine to fit on a signature for ANYTHING. I mean, really. It's a long assed name.

I'm also frequently a Yellie. It's a little weird to me if someone I've only just met hears someone call me Yellie and then jumps on the Yellie bandwagon, because it's really a name that old friends and family use, and I kind of feel like you have to EARN the right to call me Yellie. (Also? It's always Yellie, never Yelly. Why? I don't know why. That's just how it is.)

Why am I talking about this?

Because I am considering changing my name.

Before you start thinking I've gone off the deep end, let me explain: I'm thinking about changing my LAST name, because it's my married name and I'm not married anymore. I intended to do it a while ago, but what with frequent flying and the ridiculousness of paperwork and the fact that I'm known professionally with my current name, it's been a big old pain in the tochas and I haven't done it.

Plus, I think it's a nice, solid name. Despite the fact that it's ridiculously long, it has weight and character. I've been through a lot as Danielle Hayes Balentine, and I think I've earned the right to have whatever name I want.

And I think maybe ... maybe I want my old name back.

But I still don't want anyone to call me Dani.

*She said, modestly

**This is the kind of narrative I dream up on not enough sleep and waaaaay too much diet coke