If I Ran The World

… when someone had a question, they would. Just. Ask. It.  This is a much better approach than making a series of statements and forcing me to guess what the question is.  Like this:

A: So there’s this guy.

Me: …

A: And he’s got a girlfriend.

Me: …

A: But he asked me out for drinks anyway.

Me: …

A:  (expectant pause)

Me: … So far I have several key elements in what might make a great story, but I don’t know what happens next! What happens next?

A: I wanted you to tell me if I should go out to drinks with him! Should I?

Me:  No. And why didn’t you just ASK me that?!

… When someone wanted me to fix something, they’d GIVE me the thing they want me to fix, so I can fix it. As an example:

B: I have this thing. It is broken.

Me: I’m sorry.

B: I want you to fix it.

Me: Can you give it to me?

B: Oh, do you need it?

Me: Only if you want me to fix it.

… people would take the time to think about what they were saying.

C:  You know how, when you don’t cancel your dentist appointment without 24 hour notice, they charge you $100?

Me: Yes.

C: I had to cancel today’s dentist appointment. Like, 10 minutes ago.

Me: Oh, that stinks.

C: So you think they’re going to charge me $100?

Me: Um. Yes?

… people would answer ALL of the questions you have asked them.

Me: I have two questions for you. First, is your blood type A positive, B positive, or O negative? Second, are you still a registered organ donor?

D: Yes.

… people would read their emails

E: Hey, I emailed you about the thing with the stuff.

Me: Yes, I replied to you.

E: Yeah, I didn’t read your reply.

… and I would be in possession of infinitely more patience than I have at right this moment.