Something you may not know about me (especially if you’ve
seen me lately, since my new favorite uniform is knee length skirt, t shirt,
hoodie, flip flops) is that I get Vogue
magazine.
I’m faintly embarrassed by this, mostly because of WHY I get
it. You know how a lot of fine upstanding fellas say that they read Playboy for the articles?
I read Vogue for
the … ads.
I know it’s weird. I’ve mostly cancelled my fashion magazine
subscriptions because I (again, mostly) don’t care what someone in New York or
LA thinks that my New Hampshire dwelling self should be wearing. As much as I
like pretty clothes, I don’t care that this is the year of the wedge boot, or
the whatever else it’s the year of, since I’m pretty much going to be wearing
my Wellies all winter long to keep my feet dry and cozy.
But oh MAN do I love a fashion advertisement. I love the
choices involved – where does the product go? How is it featured? What’s the
colour palette? Is there text? What does it say? Where is the text placed? I
LOVE this kind of thing; I think it’s a holdover from my stint as the editor of
my high school newspaper when I had to think about where the words and images
would go on the page. It was fascinating. I loved it almost as much as I loved
the writing.
The writing in Vogue?
I don’t love. It annoys me. It’s the 1% writing for the 99% as though we should
care about what the 1% do, where they go, and what they have. Frankly, most of
that makes me feel gross about getting the magazine at all, like I’m lightly
coated with slime. HAMPTONS slime, no less. Tossed at me from a Birkin bag by a
woman who’s only famous because her daddy has money. Wheee! It’s off-putting.
The ads though. They’re amazing.
When I went to my mailbox this morning, the new issue of Vogue was hogging up the inside, forcing
the rest of my mail to cower resentfully in the corner (the Kittery Trading
Post flyer looked MAD) behind the 916 page (yes, you read that properly: nine
hundred and sixteen pages) beast that is the fall fashion spectacular.
I do love me some Lady Gaga, I won't lie
It’s thicker than my phone book, and frankly –
since I mentioned the 1% -- I feel like it’s a demonstration of the excess and frivolity
that both the 1% and Vogue itself
represent. There is NO REASON for a
fashion magazine – especially a high fashion magazine, which includes clothes
the average subscriber couldn’t possibly afford, especially in this economy -- to
be 916 pages. NONE. It’s a gross waste
of trees.
Even if it is 80% of glorious, pretty, brilliantly designed
ads. (Oh and it is—let’s not kid ourselves.)
So, I’m embarrassed. I realize that by purchasing the magazine, I’m
perpetuating what it stands for and also, sort of saying that I’m okay with
cutting down an entire rainforest so that I can see the newest Chanel ad.
(Which, by the way, is visual POETRY. I’m just saying.)
When this subscription ends next month, I’m not going to renew. It’s
too much. I’m too embarrassed.
But until then? Prada ads for everyone!
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