Monday, August 13, 2012

The Joke's on Me

Am I the only person who occasionally wants to tell the universe to Bite Me?

After another run in with the StormTroopers yesterday  (for those of you who are not my friend on Facebook – and why aren’t you? Send me a friend request, I’ll totally be your friend! – their air conditioner started leaking on Thursday, but they didn’t think it was a problem until SUNDAY, at which point they became aware it was a problem because it was leaking through my ceiling. We had words. I had to call the building manager and may have uttered the phrase “I am SO SICK OF THING ONE AND THING TWO UP THERE” while she snickered), I was thinking some mean thoughts in their direction. Thoughts like “How is it possible that they’re so STUPID? “ and “Who plays BRUNO MARS as loud as they can? WHO?!” and “WHY DON’T THEY JUST MOOOOOOVVEEE FOR THE LOVE OF PETE AND ALL OF HIS FRIENDS BECAUSE I HATE THEM”, the universe (or God, or the fates, or whatever you prefer to call it) keeps throwing them in my path.

I don’t want them in my path.

I want them to be rendered invisible and unhearable and definitely I want them to stop causing water to drip through my ceiling.

But there they are. In the laundry room. When I go to the mailbox. When I go out on my balcony. StormTroopers EVERYWHERE.

And they keep being friendly and kind of charming.

I’m a sucker for friendly and charming. But I will NOT be swayed. I don’t like them. They are messing with my nicely ordered existence.

Except that they kind of remind me of puppies. They seem so YOUNG. And goofy. And poorly trained and housebroken.

Puppies, though a total pain, are lovable.

The StormTroopers might also be kind of loveable. In a “I’m going to ruin all of your stuff, but it’s not on purpose, it’s because I don’t have a freaking clue” way.

I want to universe to leave me alone. I have a good thing going with my loathing of the StormTroopers. Why mess with it? Why can’t I just loathe them in peace? I ask the universe, but it just gives me a nudge. Nudge, nudge, in the direction of trying to be understanding. Nudge, nudge, in the direction of maybe being nicer.

Not enjoying the lesson doesn’t mean not learning the lesson. Even when it’s a lesson you REALLY don’t  think you need, or want.

Maybe especially then.

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