"I have a curious question."
"I am curious about your curiosity!"
"Curiouser and curiouser!"
"No, really, what's your question."
"That guy has the SADIM touch."
"Everything Midas touches turns to gold. Everything that guy touches turns to shit."
"Are you drinking water out of your wine glass?"
"...It hurts me to see you like this."
"I love that Weight Watchers bases your plan on the notion that you're NEVER gonna work out."
"Because you won't."
"I know! It's like they totally get me."
"So I went out to get gas and the thinger was frozen shut. I had to pry it open with keys and then wrestle with the whatzit to put the gas in."
"It bothers me that I totally understood that."