Thursday, February 12, 2015

Valentine's Day

A friend of mine who, like me, was all "whatever, I don't need to get married" recently got engaged.

His reasons -- and they're good ones, I am sure -- are his own and have a lot to do with his love for his (exceptionally fabulous) significant other and, I think, the fact that he's never been married before.

Because of his newly pro-marriage platform, mutual friends want to know if I've changed my mind about marrying again.

I suppose it's a valid question. 


I have come to realize that people who ask me about getting married again (and the ones who are actively rooting for that) aren't doing it to be super annoying or pesky. They're doing it because they love me and envision being married as a safe, happy, loved state of being.

I have also come to realize that the fact that I don't think of marriage as safe, or happy, or loving is about me and my experience. I know that my experience is not universal, and I am okay with it, but I also know that this is not something I want to explain to people who are pushing for me to marry again.

I've begun just smiling and nodding when people ask if I'll get married. "We'll see," I say with my mouth, while my brain says, "No, never, don't wanna don't make me!"

"We'll see."

It's an answer that makes people feel more secure. I'm willing to do that for them.


I used to hate Valentine's Day, but I am changing my perspective. I think that love should be celebrated every day -- I feel strongly about that -- but I also think that doing it up on Valentine's Day is just sort of like putting a perfectly cut gemstone in a really nice setting. It doesn't change the quality of the stone. It just shows it off.

And maybe -- for some people -- marriage does the same thing. It doesn't change the quality of committment or love -- it just highlights it. It cradles it, somehow. It shows it off a bit.

I don't need to get married for my relationship to have that? But I get that some people need it and want it.

I might even eventually stop thinking about marriage as the most terrifying thing that  I could ever be persuaded to do. Maybe. I mean, hey, I changed my mind about Valentine's Day.

We'll see.

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