Thursday, September 17, 2015


Lately, I have been having the small problem of being treated badly by people who claim to have my best interest at heart. While I don't believe that to be true -- not even a little -- it is causing me to experience a nagging, unpleasant, "are you sure YOU'VE never hurt anyone" thought loop.

While I truly believe that I never hurt anyone on purpose -- well. I like to believe that no one ever hurts anyone else on purpose, because that's such an epically horrid thing to do -- I know that I have treated people badly. Or maybe not badly, really, but in a way that hurt them despite the fact that I realized it would hurt them. 

I don't know if that last bit makes sense; let me try again. Sometimes the course of action you are taking is the only course of action you CAN take, but it's going to hurt some people. Not because you want to hurt them, but because you have to make the choices you are making.

While I can't apologize for my path? I can regret -- really, truly, down to my toes regret -- that I've caused some pain on the way.

So listen. If your're reading this (and you know if you are): I am so sorry for causing you sorrow. It's not what I ever meant to do. I can't ask you to forgive me, but I can ask you to know that I never would have hurt you on purpose, and that the knowledge that I hurt you is carved onto my soul.

You deserve a million and twelve wonderful things. I want them for you. I wish them for you every day.

I hope you know that.

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