Tuesday, April 12, 2016

It's All In Your Head

I had this entire post written about being terrible at adulting, but it turns out that if you only write a post IN YOUR HEAD and not on the actual computer? It doesn't count as a post. Also, when you sit down to publish it, it will not be there. Because it was only ever in your head.

Thing you might not know: I actually do this a lot. A lot a lot. Like, all of the time. This is mostly because I tend to be awake every morning from, oh, about 1:45 to 3:30. Why this should be it not precisely clear, but that window triggers a something in my defective, beleaguered brain that insists: "Oh hey, it's time to be awake! RIGHT NOW!"

Here are the things that you should do when you're awake and your beloved is sleeping beside you:

1) get up and feed the cat, who has some kind of crazy "my Mumma is awake" radar and who will smoosh her head into your face while purring like a maniac until you cave and get up. I've tried ignoring this behavior in an effort to get her to stop expecting food in the wee hours of the morning, and let me tell you: her escalation tactics made me lose that war.

2) Go to the bathroom. Because you're awake. And you got up to feed the cat, so you might as well swing by the room of rest, which now strikes you as a horrible name because you WISH you were resting but you are not due to Stupid Brain.

3) Go back to bed and write blog posts in your head. Unfortunately, these will legitimately be some of the most brilliant, lyrical, amazing things you have ever composed -- they will be passionate and clever and either so funny you will actually make yourself giggle a little or so moving you may shed a tear or two. I say "unfortunately" because none of these pieces of literary amazingness will ever make it to the light of day. They will only ever have existed in your noggin. When you wake up you will sort of remember them but you won't be able to recreate them.

Like the post about adulting.

Oh well.

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