"I have formally decided that 'assholery' is now a word. And also that it should be proper etiquette to smack people who are displaying said assholery."
"I agree with this movement."
"If I'm going to start a movement, it's going to be one that the people can get behind."
"So, I'm starting a new diet where I can't really have meat, dairy, sugar, or soy. Or gluten."
"I may be asking you to kill me soon."
"Ugh, I'm all cranky pants. Oh wait, I'm not wearing pants. UGH. I'm all crankyskirt."
"Nothing really says, 'I'm a huge jerk' like when your brain keeps insisting that it's Wednesday when in reality it is only Tuesday. Like, brain. Really? We have NOT travelled forward in time. IT'S NOT A THING THAT WE DO."
"I had a fruit salad for lunch and then I had some raw veggies for a snack."
"I know, I don't even recognize myself anymore."