"I should try not to judge."
"Not me. I'm going to keep doing it like it's my job."
"Now that I mention it, it might actually BE my job. My job description is a little hazy."
"So I cooked my steak with wine, which made it delicious. But also purple."
"Oh my God. You ate Barney."
"I don't know what to make for dinner."
"I was thinking some sort of food, but ... I mean, whatever."
"By the time the end of the day rolls around, my ability to socialize is gone. People try to talk to me and I look at them like, nope, I'm sorry, I am no longer participating in conversation at this time. Please stand by."
"Some days I wake up feeling like a pretty princess and then I look in the mirror and think, or maybe not so much."
"Is the light in your bathroom not forgiving?"
"I think really it's my ability to see clearly that is the unforgiving bit."