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FAMOUS WRITER PERSON JUST FOLLOWED ME ON TWITTER I AM DYING RIGHT NOW.
ALL CAPS DYING.
I MIGHT ALREADY BE DEAD BUT THAT WOULD MAKE TYPING SUPER WEIRD.
II
"I have some things figured out. Like, I know a couple of life's rules. I mostly ignore them, but I KNOW them. That's called being a grown up."
"Or a criminal?"
"A grown up criminal. Don't take my adulthood from me."
III
"I just googled 'how to lace your sneakers so that you don't have to tie them' and then watched several videos on it. I'm lazy, but industrious about it."
IV
"Dairy Queen is donating one dollar from every Blizzard sold to the Children's Miracle Network today. So clearly we need to get ice cream. FOR THE CHILDREN."
V
"Sometimes I want to go to stuff and then I remember that there will be people there. Lots of people. And only a limited amount of Ativan with which to try to cope with them."
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