"You know how sometimes you get to the end of the day and you feel like your brain miiiiiight be leaking out your ears, just a little bit?"
"No. I ... NO."
"Oh. Hm. Well, that shoots the rest of this story to hell, then. Nevermind."
"I get all my news from the Daily Show."
"Of course you do."
"I had to stop watching NBC's Nightly News when Tom Brokaw stopped being the anchor."
"Dude. That was FOREVER ago."
"I know. But I love him. It's not the same without him."
"So, instead you watch a fake news show hosted by a comedian?"
"You say that like it's weird."
"I know, what am I thinking?"
"Is Beansie better?"
"Yeah. She's staring at the wall right now. Every couple of minutes, she meows at it."
"Right back to her old self, then."
"So. Finish this sentence."
"All I want for Christmas is..."
"someone else to pay my car registration, and a steak dinner, and a fancy outfit and somewhere to wear it and a fun hat that doesn't make my head look too big. And one of those alarm clocks that slowly floods the room with light, even though I don't think that would actually wake me up. And the first season of Criminal Minds on DVD."
"Oh, is THAT all?"
"And world peace. Did I mention world peace? That would be good too."
"I'm decorating for the holidays. Can I just say that I'm OBSESSED with snow globes right now?"
"Please tell me this isn't going to turn into a gargoyle thing."
"Of course not. It would be odd to have snowglobes everywhere."
"But it's not weird to have gargoyles everywhere?"
"It won't be after I put their Santa hats on them. Hey ... what if I found a gargoyle IN a snow globe. OH MY GOD THAT WOULD BE AWESOME."
"How would you get a Santa hat on it?"
"Oh. Huh. Hey, did you just sink to my level?"
"Yes. And now I'm scared."