"Watching Downton Abbey, drinking wine, and practicing a variety of British accents from the comforts of my couch."
"Why would you do that?"
"Why WOULDN'T you do that?"
"So, before you start to yell at me -- which would be completely appropriate and understandable -- let me say this: I was wrong. I messed up. I would like to know how to avoid making that mistake in the future, so when you're done yelling at me -- which, again, I totally understand -- can we work together to develop a plan to make sure this doesn't happen again?"
"Oh. Well. Now I feel like I can't yell at you."
"No, really, go ahead. I think we'll all feel better. And by that I mean you'll feel better. I'll just be sad."
"STOP DOING THAT."
"See! Do you feel better now?"
"If I had known this conference call was going to be two and a half hours long, I would have had lunch sent into my office."
"Dude. If I had known this conference call was going to be two and a half hours long, I wouldn't have had three cups of coffee before and one during. I think my bladder is going to explode, and this is NOT how I want to die."
"Have you ever really looked at Brad Pitt and thought that he looks a bit like a chipmunk?"
"Look at this photo. He's got, like, a chipmunk face. All I can think of is Chip and Dale. I mean, if either of them were humanitarians and (snort) serious actors."
"... thanks for ruining him for me."
"What? Chipmunks are cute."
"I bought ramen at the dollar store the other day."
"Was it good?"
"It tasted kind of like nostalgia and depression, so all in all I'd say it was fine."
"Please tell me you drank Boone's Farm with it. Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease."
"Sorry, I wasn't able to bring myself to complete the 1994 collegiate fine dining experience."