Sunday, August 18, 2013

And That's What Happened

I'm in a bit of a mood today, partially because a well-meaning friend asked me about someone I don't talk to anymore. I tried to avoid lengthy explanations by simply saying, "oh, well, we've gone our separate ways -- yes, it's quite sad -- no, I don't have his number--" but it got me thinking about the people we let go of because we want to, the ones who are toxic and who need to be eliminated from our lives, and the people we let go of because they demand it. I think both situations are terribly sad because it's difficult to release someone from your life, but I think the latter is infinitely sadder. 

Thus the mood.

I've had to let go of people because they were and are bad for me. I think we all have. It's hard to finally admit that this or that person doesn't have a positive and productive role in your life experience, but we've all done it. It never feels good but it is required on occasion. We've all been there. 

And we've all also been the person who has been eliminated from someone's life. 

It's hard. It's hard to look at yourself in the mirror and understand that someone you have loved has had to let go of their ties to you because they have found you to be destructive and poisonous. It's harder still when you think about the people you have had to let go of because you start to realize: this is what I was to her/him, and it chills you. You don't want to be that person.

But sometimes you are, simply by being who you are. Not all personalities complement. Some, in fact, mesh in highly destructive ways until someone --maybe you, maybe the other person -- calls the game.

You have to learn to be okay with it and let it go.

You have to learn to understand that some relationships are fleeting and some are permanent and that is okay.

You have to learn that love is never wasted, even (perhaps especially) when relationships are fleeting and transient. Having a heart means using it. Otherwise there is no point.

You have to learn to be okay with the fact that the answer, sometimes, is "No, I don't see her/him anymore, but my wish is that s/he has all of the best." You should wish them the best, because you would want them to want that for you -- and then you need to let it go.

I struggle with the letting it go portion of the program, it's true, but I think that if you loved someone? You will always love them, someplace in your heart, and regardless as to whether you let go of them or they let go of you, that loving place should want the best for them, even if you can't have a civil conversation at this point.

The people you have to let go of are not perfect.

Neither, as it turns out, are you.

So you have to try to get past it. Past the trying to explain and to a place where you can understand -- and even if you don't understand? Understand this: sometimes you are not meant to see the answers right now, but they will come.

Eventually, everything is understood. Even loss. Even heartache.

And after that? Well, then you can move on.

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