"Did you ever have that moment where you realize you're completely in love with someone but, because you're also a bit of an idiot and an asshole, you've already blown it?"
"You're practically a character out of 16 Candles or some shit."
"Yeah except my movie would be called 'Hi, I'm a Moron'."
"...that's not as inviting."
"I'll be your diet buddy."
"Instead of omnomnom? Our motto will be NONnomnom."
"So I've discovered what I don't love about my apartment."
"First I thought that the thing that bothered me was the level of visibility. Like, through the windows?"
"But that's not it?"
"No. The ghosts bug me more."
"You don't have ghosts."
"I do until we find another explanation for the footsteps in the house that wake me from a sound sleep."
"We could call TAPS! And then you could be on tv! AND then we'll be famous!"
"Tired and famous!"
"What did you do to your ankle?"
"I was sitting in the window when an egret swooped in, and they're scary. Like pterodactyls. So it startled me enough that I almost fell out of the window? But I caught myself and in so doing cracked my ankle wicked hard against the wall."
"Yeah. Maybe you should sit in your CHAIRS."
"But then how would I see the scary egrets?"
"I used to want to make a difference. Instead? I make sheds."
"People need those."
"And you still make a difference."
"I mean, in your own little way. Ish. Okay, I'm shutting up now."