"Did you try the body wash/ sugar scrub / body butter combo I suggested?"
"Yeaaaaaaah. About that."
"You don't like it."
"I do. I do like it. It makes my skin feel awesome. It's just... I smell like a boat drink."
"How is that a problem? You have soft skin AND you'll draw Jimmy Buffet fans like flies! That's allllllll win!"
"Frankly I can't believe you haven't hurt yourself badly walking to the bathroom at night."
"You're not ... Present. You kind of ... Stumble shuffle."
"I'm a zombie who has to pee."
"Is that your lunch?"
"What, this? This thing that I'm eating at lunchtime?"
"Yeah... Oh, never mind."
"Gas was so cheap that I wanted to fill every container I owned. Including my shoes. Because Holy Cheap."
"You know what I hate?"
"The impending zombie apocalypse. And pickles. But not in that order?"
"I have got to stop asking you that question."