Friday, January 16, 2015

Friday Randoms


"Did you try the body wash/ sugar scrub / body butter combo I suggested?"

"Yeaaaaaaah. About that."

"You don't like it."

"I do. I do like it. It makes my skin feel awesome. It's just... I smell like a boat drink."

"How is that a problem? You have soft skin AND you'll draw Jimmy Buffet fans like flies! That's allllllll win!"


"Frankly I can't believe you haven't hurt yourself badly walking to the bathroom at night."


"You're not ... Present. You kind of ... Stumble shuffle."

"I'm a zombie who has to pee."


"Is that your lunch?"

"What, this? This thing that I'm eating at lunchtime?"

"Yeah... Oh, never mind."


"Gas was so cheap that I wanted to fill every container I owned. Including my shoes. Because Holy Cheap."


"You know what I hate?"

"The impending zombie apocalypse. And pickles. But not in that order?"

"I have got to stop asking you that question."

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