"I can't deal with him today. I'm trying to reduce the number of stabbings I commit in a year."
"So then I got stuck on a hill. Like, my car wouldn't go anywhere. Not forward. Not backwards. Maybe sidewaysish."
"That's what you get for driving a car called a Rabbit. You need something called ... like ... a Stegasaurus."
"Ooooh. Rugged AND armored!"
"Every time it snows I want to find that Elsa chick and punch her in the face. 'Let It Go' my ass."
"What are you doing for the Superbowl?"
"I thought I'd stay in and read. Like I've done during EVERY football game."
"Oh, and watch the hysteria fueled posts on Facebook! That's my kind of sport."
"There's so much drama. SO MUCH DRAMA."
"Seriously. It's like a soap opera that no one wants to watch."