Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Return of the Out of Contexts!

The usual disclaimer: Some of the below are conversations the author participated in, some are things she overheard, and some are things she said. Make no assumptions ... just enjoy them out of context.

“Hey, sorry I missed your call yesterday.”

“I didn’t call you yesterday.”

“It says I missed a call on 1/15.”

“That was two days ago.”

“Oh.” Pause. “I’m on vacation. I don’t need to know what day it is.”

*****

“Maybe Santa will bring you a toaster.”

“Why?”

“Because maybe Santa was at your house,  and didn’t feel well.”

“Did you –“

“SOMETIMES SANTA WANTS TOAST!”

*****

“Prevents the following symptoms: Gas, bloating, stomach discomfort…”

“They don’t put projectile vomiting on the label. I think it’s an unwritten rule that no one wants that.”

*****

“Oh my God. I’m rambling. I’m going to shut up now.”

Laughter.

“Are you laughing at me?”

“No, I’m definitely laughing with you. If I was laughing AT you, I’d also be pointing.”

*****

“Honestly, I don’t know how someone as smart as you can, at the same time? Be so dumb.”

*****

“I was thinking –“

“I could tell. I was about to ask you not to.”

*****

“Do you think he likes me?”

“Did he SAY he likes you?”

“Yessss…”

“I love questions that answer themselves.”

*****

“You know what the people need? Wasabi. You know when they need it? Now. Occupy Sushi!”

*****

“Heeeeeyyyyyy.”

“What?”

“I have no idea. Apparently, I was having an Arthur Fonzarelli moment.”

“Who?”

“Oh God, I’m old.”

*****

“She’s a sassy girl. She’s fun. But a little scary. A lot scary. Oh hell, I’m scared of her.”

*****

“Maybe he thinks you’re respectable?”

“Why would he think that?”

“I don’t know, but there’s a first time for everything.”

1 comment:

  1. Ok so I think some of the quotes are from conversations that we have had...too funny!!

    ReplyDelete