Friday, January 6, 2012

So Smooth(ie)

I’m on a diet (again, always, whatever) and, during the duration of said diet, have given up my beverage of choice (wine, red, glorious) for water (boring, not fun) and other oh-so-good for me things (meh).

This should be easier for me this go-round for about a zillion reasons, not the least are:

1)      I can no longer have ice cream without my digestive system going into full reverse

2)      I can no longer eat cheese without my digestive system going into full reverse

3)      Due to one and two, I no longer have the will to live and will fade quietly, with a whimper … okay, just kidding. Sort of.

3.5)      I never have sweets or snacks in my house. I just don’t. Sometimes I’ll get nutty and buy – popcorn. I know, someone should stop me.

4)      I eat the most ridiculous amount of soup EVER. Seriously. Made in my own kitchen, by my own hands. It’s a diet-y kind of food. (Especially since there are no chowders in my house, due to the reaction to dairy (see 1 and 2), so it’s mostly water.)

At this point, you may be wondering to yourself, “Self,” (and I would take a moment here to ask why you talk to yourself in the third person, and if so, why you don’t just call yourself by your actual name, but hey, it’s your internal monologue, so do with it what you will) “all of that seems well and good, but what does she do for a treat? Where’s the FUN in this soupy diet craziness?”

And to that, my friend, I would say this:


I don’t know how I missed getting on board the smoothie boat until now – okay, that’s kind of a lie. Here’s how I missed it: most commercially sold smoothies are more fattening than a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. (I can mention my boys without sobbing, which is an indication of dietary resignation. Finally.) They’re delicious, but not healthful. And frankly, if I’m going to blow a day’s worth of calories and fat on something, it needs to be sold in a pint container and involve little chocolate dinosaurs (or dinosnorts, as I like to call them for no obvious reason) like my lamentably retired favorite flavor Fossil Fuel.

Because, seriously.

But then I got to thinking, as I looked at my sad little wine glasses, all lined up in the cupboard and seeming neglected, you know what’s delicious? Boat drinks. With fruit and ice and frothy goodness.

You know, basically, drunk smoothies.

So if I make them myself, and there’s no booze in them … and put them in my fancy stemware with an umbrella … well, that’s like a little diet party, right?

It’s totally a diet party. Which may not be the most outrageous party I’ve ever been to, but still. Fun. Delicious. 

Things that I have smoothified so far:


Coconut milk

Orange juice

Assorted berries

Peanut butter

Chai tea



Pomegranate juice



Now, apparently, all I need are drink umbrellas. Oh, and maybe a cabana boy.


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