Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Ants In My Pants

I'm trying to be patient.

The thing about patience is that, while I recognize that it's really important? I don't necessarily possess it in large amounts. I'd LIKE to. I recognize that impatience is a fault, I recognize that it's one of MY faults, but there it is.

I'm not always patient. This is why, if I buy gifts for people in advance of occasions, I end up giving them early and then having to buy another gift. I don't want to wait. I'm always going -- go go go -- and being made to stand or sit still is not natural to me. If I have to sit (or stand) and wait, I manage motionlessness for about five minutes. Then I start to do something like this:

Get out phone. Play with phone. Check email. Check facebook. Make a note -- something to write about later? Situational observation? Remember I need cat food. Start shopping list. Put phone away. Shift from foot to foot. Tap fingers on nearest surface. Start drumming with fingers. Get super into it. Finish drumming with a flourish. Look at watch. Pull out phone. Scroll, scroll, put phone away. Begin singing to self -- either along with ambient music, or just whatever song is in my head at any given time. Do a little dance. Pull out phone. Check facebook again. Put phone away. Look around. Keep doing little dance. Realize that I'm dancing. School myself into stillness. Remain still for about five minutes. Repeat.

As you can imagine, I'm VERY fun on road trips. Or long flights. You do NOT want to sit next to me.

The thing is, though, that all of this is kind of exhausting. It also doesn't make anything happen faster.

So. I'm waiting for something to happen. And I'm trying to be zen about it. I'm trying to sit with the anticipation. I'm trying to be patient.

Okay, and maybe I'm drumming on my desk. But only a little.

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