I was half asleep on the couch yesterday when it suddenly occured to me:
I've been here before.
I had LITERALLY been there before, obviously (it's my couch, after all, and it's not like this is the first time I've napped on it), but I had also been there before in that: this is not the first time I've been sick and totally exhausted.
"This stinks," I croaked out. The cat chirped in agreement and put a paw on my head.
Why do I always get SUPER sick? I wondered. How come I never get, like, the sniffles?
And then I realized:
This? Is my fault.
I mean, I can't control my exposure to germs, obviously, but the fact that my immune system is shot is kind of my fault because (and here's my confession):
I don't take very good care of myself. I eat very randomly, and it's not always the most nutritious things. I don't get enough sleep. I carry ridiculous stress and work a grillion hours a day (true story: I now DREAM about work, which is not how you want to spend your dreaming hours). I have been trying to find the time to exercise (and actually exercising) but if you're going to exercise? You need the nutrients and sleep to support that in order for it to work properly.
And then I'm surprised when I fall off the hamster wheel in a hacking, sneezing, feverish heap.
But probably no one else is.
I realized, between glasses of ginger ale and intermittent naps (and responding to work emails): I need to think about what it means to be well. How to live really well, emotionally AND physically. Because this whole thing where I need a round of antibiotics and steroids and whatever else in order to function once I run myself into the ground?
None of this is to say that I won't continue to get sick now and again. I'm pretty sure that's going to happen. But -- and I'm no doctor, but I feel pretty confident about this -- if you start out with a baseline of being well, of taking care of yourself and making sure you have what you need to be healthy and happy?
You might not get sick quite as often.
I guess I'm going to find out.