Friday Randoms

I

"And it was weird, like suddenly my body demanded vegetables. When does that happen?"

“Yeah, your body usually only demands things like martinis and French fries.”

“I know! So I didn’t even know what to do when it was all Oliver Twisty ‘Please, mum, may we have a salad?’ “

"Did you get a salad?"

"I had to. Have you ever had your body speak to you in a sad, orphaned British accent? You'll give it whatever it wants. Even lettuce."

 

II

"You need a hobby."

"I have hobbies."

"Dee, I love you? But accessorizing isn't ACTUALLY a hobby. I mean, if it was a real thing people could be good at? Like an Olympic sport? You'd WIN. You'd SO win. But it's not. You need a hobby that's like, a sport. Do you like any sports?"

"Pretty soon, punching you in the arm is going to be both a sport AND my new hobby."

"That won't work."

"Why not?"

"Because my hobby is running." (sprints away) "Later!"

 

III

"That was when I looked around and realized: everything is just right. There's nothing left for me to do with this room except enjoy it."

"It's freaking you out, isn't it?"

"Good LORD, yes. What am I going to obsess over now?"

"Oh, I'm SURE you'll think of something."


IV

"That's the problem with the playlist."

"What is?"

"You listen to it and you're all 'OH! I LOVE THIS SONG!' and then the next song comes on and you're like 'OH MAN! I LOVE THIS ONE TOO!' and then your brain says 'No joke, jackass, YOU MADE THIS PLAYLIST. You ONLY put songs you like on it!' and then you feel stupid."

"And by you? You mean YOU. Because NO ONE ELSE DOES THAT."

"Never ever?"

"Let me think -- NO. Just you."

"So you're saying I'm SPECIAL."

"Oh, you're special all right."

V

"I just bought salt and pepper shakers. AND an iron."

"Wow. You're, like, finally a grown up."

"I know, my inner 12 year old was traumatized, so I bought her five bottles of sparkly nail polish."

"What?"

"If I have to be an adult? I'm gonna SPARKLE."