Friday Randoms

I

"So, what would you do if, like, you actually became a famous writer and had to give talks and stuff?"

"Um. What?"

"It could happen."

"No it couldn't."

"It totally could. Like, you could win an award? And then have to have, like, a panel discussion or some such. And people would ask you questions and you'd have to answer them and it would be the coolest."

"That's never gonna happen."

"If it does? You're going to need to dress like a grownup."

"And that's DEFINITELY never going to happen."

II

"I saw a picture of myself with long hair the other day."

"Did it make you want to grow your hair out?"

"No, it reminded me what a pain in the ass long hair is. So if I say I want to grow it out? Poke me wicked hard in the forehead."

"Really?"

"No. But remind me of this conversation."

III

"So, you're sick."

"Yep."

"And you're ... taking the day off?"

"..."

"You're working."

"I have to. Gots to earn Beansie's kibble."

"Maybe she should get a job."

"She's not a good employee. Too mouthy."

"The fact that you didn't even have to think about that answer is weird."

"What? I talk to her all day! She's SASSY."

IV

"I mean, does she get that I'm pretty much broke and don't just eat ramen because I think it's delicious?"

"You DO think ramen is delicious."

"That is so not the point I'm trying to make right now. But yeah, I find it strangely yummy."

V

"I walked into the store and there was this skirt. And it spoke to me. It said 'Yellie.' And I said, 'I can't talk to you, pretty skirt.' And it said, 'No, see? I'm on SALE. It's cool. Come over here!' And I said, 'No, that's a terrible idea.' And it made a sad little noise, like 'Okay, sniffle sob' and then I FELT bad so I had to go see it. And then, you know, buy it."

"How much is your copay for therapy?"

"Why?"

"I feel like whoever you're seeing can't be making NEARLY enough."